"Reluctantly and with trepidation"
A Reflection by Fred Schaeffer, OFS

 “Few swimmers are brave when they take the first dip of the season. They stand and fearfully contemplate the great, cold ocean. Most of them probably wish that they were back home. They cannot understand why they came to the beach in the first place. Reluctantly and with trepidation, they immerse one foot, then the other. In the course of human events, they finally get wet. Then it is, after having been dreadfully afraid of it, that they find out how delightful the ocean is. And far, far greater is the joy that awaits those who will cast fear aside and, with joyful abandon, plunge into the limitless ocean of God's mercy, which endures forever.

 
"There isn't anything narrow-minded about our Divine Master. His mercy isn't niggardly or circumscribed. Did He reject you when you committed your first sin? No. Our Savior never seeks, as some seem to fear, the easy opportunity to destroy sinners. You know that He walked the dusty paths of Palestine building confidence in the hearts of discouraged people. And His Church is solemnly appointed to continue His constructive program of mercy until soft twilight shadows fall on time's brief day. So, be unusually brave. Defy yourself. Wrap up all your doubts, all the phases of your terror, in one package. Label the package: "Vain Fears." Then, with courage born of strong faith, based on His unfailing assurances, throw that package into the yawning abyss of permanent oblivion. Forget it! Find out, finally, what Christ means by the greeting: "Peace be to you!" (From: "Peace for Troubled Souls" by Boniface McConville, O.F.M. 1939. St. Anthony’s Guild)

The above quotation from this rare text, strikes me as the answer to many of our problems. The “limitless ocean of God’s love” is a good way of describing the size of His love for us, and yet we doubt. Do we doubt because of our previous experiences? Have we been disillusioned once too many times? Hoped for an answer to our feeble prayer and nothing happened? Could be, but did we try again? Did we storm heaven with continued prayer day after day or was it just that one little prayer we staked our hopes on? Yes, He heard you the first time but He has His reasons for not granting a favor right away. Maybe you’re not a praying person and the Lord wanted you to pray more often, that could be it. Jesus wants to be our friend, our brother, because He IS our brother. (ref. Mat. 12:46-50). He likes us to talk to Him, have a conversation. Conversation is Prayer.

How do we talk to Jesus? Very simply, how do we talk to our friends, we are friendly and informal in our conversation, we shmooze (nice Yiddish word with great meaning), as long as we respect Him for who He is: God. We don’t argue with Him and tell Him where He is wrong. He is never wrong. We are. As long as we realize this, we will open the door to His limitless love and let some of that love in, let it penetrate our thinking process and begin the process of repenting, of cleansing the damage we have done to our souls for years and years. The healing process has to begin with us, when we let Him in to our homes, our thinking, and our prayers. When we are closed, He still loves us but we do not see that love and thus do not benefit by it.

Once we are able to admit that we have done wrong, then the next step is what to do about it. Let’s say you are one of those many people who are “Catholic but fallen away from the church.” Some of those folks are so embittered by their “fallen away” status in life that they can’t talk about it and they won’t do anything about it either. “God has to take me as I am He loves me,” they think. Well, He loves you, but you are telling God what to do and that does not work. He tells us what to do, we do not tell him what to do. So, reluctantly and with trepidation, one step at a time, we immerse our toe in the waters of this limitless ocean, and seek help. Go talk to a priest. Ring the doorbell at a rectory or church and ask to speak to a priest, or make an appointment to see someone. Get the process going, in very general terms tell the priest that you still love God but you need to unburden yourself of years of neglect, and the priest will take it from there. It is easy and the results are always great. In a 15 minute conversation it is possible to shed years of anger and frustration, if you believe the Lord can heal you. And, if you have recollections of priests who yell at you, no they don’t. You might have been disrespectful to a confessor when you were a teenager that caused him to snap at you, but priests do not do this anymore. Take my word for it.

There are of course other reasons why people have “fallen away,” such as problems related to marriage, bad friendships, etc. Discuss it with a priest or a deacon. Deacons do not hear confessions but they can give great advice. The main thing is to get dialogue going, dialogue with God and with the Church.

Peace and Good to you,

Fred Schaeffer, OFS  August 11, 2020

Republished June 5, 2024

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